There is no AOL Classic home page. Again, there is no AOL Classic…

So. I want to know why people are still looking for something that went missing four years ago.

There is no AOL Classic home page! It died in 2011! I’ve seen people mourn the passing of loved ones less than you all are crying about an incredibly ugly missing home page design – this:

This design no longer exists.

Which, in 2011, AOL changed to this:

This design currently exists.

Seriously? Are you people really this shallow? Get over it, it’s a freakin’ home page. If I didn’t know any better I’d think AOL turned it into an endless video of Satan in lewd poses threatening to off the entire human race and making your kids cry (which might be a tad more interesting, come to think of it).

OK, so it was obviously AOL’s most unpopular design switch-over, ever. I get it. Stop.

This is my blog. And I’d rather it get no visits, print it out, delete it, set fire to the printout, scatter the ashes across the Indian Ocean (take that, AOL India – they’d die because my blog is like one half of their total tech support) and erase its memory from Google and the world wide web (yes, I can do that; it’s amazing all the things I can do) than read one more comment about how the AOL home page is “missing”, “doesn’t look right” or have one more person ask tell me to find or else recreate it from my alleged memory of what it was like, because naturally everyone who reads this blog thinks I work for AOL (because I never wrote at least one post saying I don’t work for AOL – but you know, if I did? I’d find all your IP addresses and make every existing version of AOL’s home page 404 just for pissing on about it so much). I don’t give a damn what it looked like. I don’t give damn that it’s gone. I don’t want your questions, visits or concerns. That’s not why this blog exists. Go away.

That missing design died in 2011. That’s all you or I or anyone needs to know.

Seriously, if it was up to those who visit, frantically search and comment upon this blog to look for the missing home page it would have been front page news on every major news outlet the last three years running, and would still be front page news now because none of you know the meaning of the word STOP. I’m surprised you folks don’t picket AOL headquarters, sign petitions to bring it back on change.org, blow up Twitter and Instagram about it, and write your congressman demanding its return.

Knowing this audience, now that I’ve suggested all that, at least some of you will do every one of those things, and hey, more power to you!

Rest assured, there is nothing I can do, except keep repeating what I’ve already said: The AOL Classic home page is gone. Forever! And you need to get over it.